Jogging 2015

Monday. Yesterday. It is my two weeks now living in the barracks. Ate Fely is living in the barracks. Ate Fely is one of my co-workers. And one of my roommates also. And then there's Ms Ruth, the secretary of the boss. So yesterday, they've invited me to a jog after work. I said yes. Because just few weeks back, right after Pope's visit, I weight myself. 52 kg from that of 43. Wow! Just wow. I even began to notice this huge lump in my belly called fats. If it isn't cancer... Anyways, it's beginning to be a bother. When I walk just a mile, a sweat and heaved like a pig being burned. Working in the government allows you a lot of opportunity to waste the resources at hand, or whatever you may want to look at it. In the Philippine Army, there's this huge grandstand where you can jog anytime you want. It was past 6pm, the wind was like a sweet kiss to the skin. We managed to pull a three roll in the grandstand. It was like a knot being loosen, my skin was in tears, and the wind would tongue it dry. The stretching came after that, you see we are all beginners. And waking up in the morning was not much of an ache. What a relief. One plus thing about running during PM is you get to roll in the grass for a while, breath, enjoy the wind, and appreciate the stars and the moon while you stretch, It was fulfillment. An underrated fulfillment. A Richard Linklater kind of experience; to be able to appreciate the mundane and spontaneity of life.  

Buhay Media

Nakakamiss talaga yung mga bagay na wala na sayo.Halimbawa nalang nitong naging trabaho ko sa News and Public Affairs bilang Researcher. Binitiwan ko kasi sabi ko pagod na pagod na pagod na ako sa kakahanap ng mga bagay na hindi ko alam kung bakit ko hinahanap in the first place. Napunta kasi ako sa programang health ang naturang mga topic, Pinoy MD, yung kalaban ng Salamat Dok? Alam nyo ba yung program na yun? Kung sino ka mang nagbabasa ka. 'Pag sobrang ngarag na nga eh hindi ko maiwasang itext ang mga kaibigan at iba pang personal contacts ko para magtanung kung may kakilala silang magandang babae pero may buhok sa kili kili, nanay na may itsura, kakapanganak palang tapos may hair loss, case study na mataba, na may hypertension, yung may urinary incontinence, may pasma, at kung anu-anong klase at uri ng case study na may depekto sa kalusugan. Mahirap mapunta sa isang programa na puro pagpapainam sa kalusugan ang bawat sinasabi tapos yung mga Researchers na naghahanap eh yung tipong babagsak na sa sobrang pagod. Isang taon at apat na buwan rin ako sa trabaho na iyon. Matagal na yun para sa karamihan sa amin. Swerte pa pala ako. O bobo lang talaga para manatili, Hind ko alam. Ang alam ko lang tuwing tapos na kami mag-shoot eh lagi kong nararamdaman yung sense of fulfillment. Accomplishment sa akin ang mahirapan ako. Pinaka-masarap na bahagi sa akin yung reflection every tapos ng shoot, pagkauwi ko, habang nasa byahe, napapangiti nalang ako dahil I was able to do all that, I made that happen. Kaya nga siguro nakalagay sa bawat palabas ng ABS-CBN andoon sa CBB nila yung salitang. "all glory to GOD" eh, Yun mismo. Kahit kakaonti lang ang nakakapanood ng programa namin, masaya parin sa pakiramdam, kahit na kailangan ko pang pilitin yung mga magulang at kapatid ko na manood, magising ng maaga tuwing sabado. Iba ang suporta nila. Ginusto mo yan, ang lagi nilang sinasabi sa akin noon. May isang araw na lugmok na lugmok na ako pagdating ng bahay kasi wala parin akong case study o hindi pa rin kasado lahat ng elements na ishushoot na bukas, ginusto mo yan eh, ang lagi nilang paalala. Ang dami kong mga memorable moments na gustong isulat, maisabuhay muli kaso para saan pa, bakit ko pa babalikan? Noon isang gabi nga, napuyat ako kakabasa ng mga thread messages namin ng segment at executive producer ko. Pasalamat nalang ako at naging maayos ang pagalis ko doon kahit na may nagreklamo na namang isang expert doon sa last story ko. Okay pa rin. Nakakausap ko parin yung mga nakatrabaho na kalaunan ay naging kaibigan narin in terms of sa pagrarant kung gaano ka-insane, ka-kaloka, ka-kaparanoid ng trabaho, ng mga exchange of texts, emails etc. (cont)

Me is a Lost Star

Hi. Been a long time since my last writing. How have you been. So many normal things have already passed and have moved along. I really don't have any idea what specific writing to discuss really. Just want to word doodle this mind constipation. I am here sitting, getting paid every month by "trying" to work my ass off by just sitting. Really boring my asses off. And my job is a "Writer" , but there's not much to write about so this a way of preventing my writing skills to rot. Man, I am a twenty three years old single soul who has an aspiration of changing the world and here I am just sitting. Trying not to get caught by the bosses behind me. Work world really is something of a frustrating world to handle. In my last work, I was complaining that I was not getting enough rest and now that chance throw me so much, I am complaining of too much of it. Human nature and its complicity really piss me to hell. Like what do you really want to do, you fucking moron? Says self to self. You damn is a tease to the world. 

I was trying to distract this frustration about fixing my relationship with work by engaging to/with/in/on (or whatever f preposition it's called) another relationship. Or trying to engage in other relationship. This time with another human being. Hopefully to a man. I set my eyes on someone. A friend of mine way back since high school. I won't go into details on how it became. But self didn't expect to be so attached with the idea of a "love" possibility that I ended up struggling in waking up in the morning. It's him I think in the morning, he's like a prayer a say amen to every goddamn day I live. I'm sick of myself but I cant help it. It almost went for about 10 years. Ten fucking years, imagine that. Now, is it love?  I don't think so. It's just the idea of love. See what kind of a lousy writer I am? I am a wreck, my thoughts are derailed, scattering like a thousand lost stars seen so bright at night.

But a break happens. Just last night. He text. And I was able to refuse self from replying. I deserve a tap in the back for that, don't you think whomever you are reading this? However shallow this might be to you but it means the whole world to me in my being. 

So there. Am i supposed to say thank you to the shaper of the world because they didn't throw me tragic love in my way? I suppose. 

I don't quite sure how to it this lousy blog post, so lazy to continue either.

I love you x.

Blue is NOT the warmest color

Oh, Dear such a long time already since my last writing. So much has happened and I am super rusty in elements and construction so whomever you are reading this from your own little world, my pardon. I just know that there is that one person in the world who appreciate my writings, and billions of others don't. Anyway, so much for a prologue. So see up until now I don't have a boyfriend, still. I can't remember the time when I get conscious of me not having one, of having one as a necessity in life. To belong. To be part of the cycle. To really live. It never was my problem way back in my schooling days, elementary, high school and such. I was happy with just having a special crush as an inspiration for studying hard. The priority of having one never come up. Oh yes, there are guys looming around like what the hell, but I'm pulling my face ugly when I think about it. I want a somebody who could take me to that other Planet. When I'd finally meet him, I would know for sure what that Planet I'm talking about. There is so much imagination consumed in my mind that meeting reality is always a disappointment. Me and my girl friends are always talking about that special guy to come along on and on and on and on. But talking about it doesn't change the fact that we're still single and do nothing about this to really be up for it. So here's the catch. One time, it was few months back, I was with my friends. Unconsciously, that "really be up for it" happened and almost bloom to a relationship reality... We were in this cafe called Holly's Coffee in La Salle area. We usually hang around coffee shops and anywhere comfy. The place had this ambiance that me and friends drift to a vast silence and just sit there not talking at all. Added that it was a wifi hotspot area. We got on to our own virtual worlds. One thing about cafes is people going in are so cool to look at, it is one of the reasons i love hanging out in one. I look about me, most people were with friends, some were couples whispering candid to each other. I noticed this one attractive girl sitting behind me. She was with this chubby girl friend. She was sporting a very short hair. I was thinking maybe lesbo. I chat my friend, which I endearingly call perks. I forgot the exact word I throw at her but it was to say that the girl might be a lesbo and what a shame she was very pretty. And man what a long funny thread we had, the essence of the whole conversation was maybe I am meant to be in the world full of girls that is why up until now I can't get myself a real boyfriend. She would hooked be to one, she said. It was so exciting that all I said was yes. Hell if she wasn't serious! One or two days after, she messaged me to say that she found someone for me, best friend of her old colleague who she made friends in her past workplace. Who was also a lesbo. Or a "femme" is what they call themselves. Which means a lesbian, a tomboy who is a girl in physical appearance, she wears makeup, shorts, skinny jeans, tights, skirts, fit shirt and an awesomeness that one would not dare flipped and think she might be a lesbian. So there, it started. My friend gave my number to her friend who gave it to the target. I received no text maybe an hour after she gave it to them. I was so into the situation that I looked her up online. Boy, if she isn't pretty. What ever happened to the world? If I'd pass he by on the street, I'd totally look into her and would think a pretty damn woman. I decided to add my future girl fling on Facebook, she accepted after a few minutes, I commend how fast she was. We chatted a few. Exchanged numbers. Man, it was really awkward, but I was dangerously curious as to where this whole thing might lead to. I'm always excited with "let's get to know each other" stage. But come after that, I'd turn sour. Almost all my friends think of me as very 'futuristic' paranoid over things that don't happen yet. It can ruin, it really can, I realized it now after all the things general happened over the years. The conversation was a bit tight. It was me who message her first through phone. The rest of the conversation after that were overwhelming and fun. She and I get along very well in so many ways, interests in life, music, films, series. We started the whole thread speaking English it was funny and very trying hard at the same time. But she was a sport, she really was. She was fun to talk to. She got this wisdom in her that I found interesting enough to dig deep. And she doesn't eat mangoes, all her life. It was one simple fact about her that for sure will stay with me in my entire life. It was really sweet. Strangers are one fun fellow to talk my heart to, I speak of her of my frustrations, my longing for this somebody which can't tell to the person. She understood and from then on she didn't push. She made few "banats" that I normally hear or see in a man. But nothing really scary or despairingly boring. It made me smile. Or maybe the right thing to say was, I allowed myself to smile, to felt the warm comfort of a somebody. Weeks after we decided to meet along with other friends. First meeting is one situation I hate. But it turned out so well, we've gone bowling and all that stuff. Fun again was the word to describe it. She knows how to handle things, maybe because she was two or three years older than I am. In that one month of everyday talking to her, I was brought to a world so soft, so sweet, so tender, so unknown that it made me scared I pull myself out. I realized soon that I was curious but not strong enough to test the water with both feet. I second guess myself and started thinking if this thing would go a bit further, a bit deeper, it will surely hit me bulls eye. So I decided not to, I held myself up like I always do in every situations. I control the emotions, the feelings. It would be unfair on her part also to push myself with a half heart gladness inside me. Gee is her name by the way :) 

GASTRONOMY by Joy: Designer Blooms Cafe: First Fresh Flower Shop Cafe...

GASTRONOMY by Joy: Designer Blooms Cafe: First Fresh Flower Shop Cafe...: It may be a cliche to rede - take time to smell the roses.   This idiom means to take some time to slack of and enjoy the surrounding.   ...

I Love You (A Short Semi-Horror Story)

There were once lived a girl named I love you. She was once cherished and adored like a Chinese piece of art by her parents, brothers, girl friends, mates, neighbors and strangers she passed by the streets. She had an easy smile that pulled people into her. They were longing and seeking and sipping comfort in her vibrance. 

                                                                        

The next day, this was when the madness started: the people seeking comfort in her woke up feeling happy with a persistent beating in their hearts that says, "I want to see more of her. I want her to be part of my body; to own and taste every part of her is a longing I need to have. I want her smile on my face..." on and on it beat with absurd chaos. At random, a crowd started piling up outside her house. Banging the whole goddamn house in a riot and screaming "I love you, I love you! I love you. I love you...." repeatedly.

                                               

The whole family presented i love you to the crowd with the innocent and not-so vibrant look on her face. And a bit taller. And not a bit too young; with long limbs. Everyone got dismayed and started pulling back, crying. They can't accept that she had grown up.

From then on, people began to treat her with indifference. She was becoming an awkward human being to the society. She was lost, to god knows where. At school, she had few friends. And these few friends get to decide when to talk to her. Which left her distraught.

Life had meaning to her again the day she met the man she fell in love with. And that was also the day she realized what her name meant to her and to everyone around her; why everybody seemed to like her in the beginning and hate her in the end.

Heartbroken was his name. A cool guy with mysterious appeal. She followed him around and outside school until they've become friends, buddies.

The day when heartbroken said to her, "sorry, i love you..." everything shattered and what is left was a name without a soul; short semi-horror story with I Love You as its title.

He who thought...

He finds solitude, peace, and safety in a place where the Son, the Father, and the Holy Spirit live. Where it holds many capitals. Where a story is a Story. In this place, he experienced obedience by way of kneeling; his hands reconcile themselves by touching each other in an act which an outsider would think as very bizarre like. He learns to talk without opening his mouth. This is the only place where he let his defenses down, and let himself say "peace be with you" to people he merely know. Something on him cracked, it's a smile coming from his lips. "I've finally found a place where I could take out my piss and shit whenever I want to" he thinks. So on he goes shitting and pissing out whenever he wants to. Until one day, after getting so used to the routine, he allows himself to be confused and works his mind to wonder: "I could only shit so much shit, and piss so much one at a time, I could barely fill the demands of this place. And I don't even know who I'm bursting my shit and piss to? This a grand place. A palace. A fixed palace. I'm not even sure where my shit and piss go. Everything in this place is gold, bright yellow, scarlet blue, blinding white, melancholy violet, bruised red, and darkness combined. Everything I see is staring back at me deadpan. Only me and the candles, I mean Candles, we are two in this place living and shitting and pissing. This is where peace and confusion meet and gather and laugh and sing and smile and merry and be... faithful"