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It’s been almost three years working, and I’m going further and further away from the memory of college, of old crushes, of old frustrations, of old aches, in life, in relationship with friends, worrying about grades, of riding back and forth, to and fro from school to home. The only thing that remain is the complaining attitude. With the massive influence of social media, I was able to track all the emotional roller coaster I have had. And I can’t help but pity myself more than ever, of what a weak soul this body of mine has. But I realized that I have a high tolerance of patience in every endeavor I fall into. And I think that would be the greatest strength I gained over the years. That what I’m doing is for the greater good of others, for the whole country, for the government, for the people, if I’m that ambitious, is one big thought bubble to instill every day of my working life. During my network days, every goddamn shoot, every stories, every research that need to be done, I always think of meeting God in every encounter I have with people. It’s overwhelming. I keep reminding myself every morning I wake up that making a difference doesn’t require travel, nor is it gained thru social media encounters affirming how good you are. That’s mainly the current struggle of youth nowadays. It reminded of an old film which I recently watch, Reality Bites. One character, Troy Dyer, played by Ethan Hawke, formulate this hippie statement that signify the way youth define all this “I’m too lazy to conquer the world” attitude:

“There is no point to any of this. It’s all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of neat escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know, a quarter pounder with cheese, those are good; the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter becomes a crackle…and I sit back and I smoke my camel straight and I ride my own melt.”