Hi. Been a long time since my last writing. How have you been. So many normal things have already passed and have moved along. I really don't have any idea what specific writing to discuss really. Just want to word doodle this mind constipation. I am here sitting, getting paid every month by "trying" to work my ass off by just sitting. Really boring my asses off. And my job is a "Writer" , but there's not much to write about so this a way of preventing my writing skills to rot. Man, I am a twenty three years old single soul who has an aspiration of changing the world and here I am just sitting. Trying not to get caught by the bosses behind me. Work world really is something of a frustrating world to handle. In my last work, I was complaining that I was not getting enough rest and now that chance throw me so much, I am complaining of too much of it. Human nature and its complicity really piss me to hell. Like what do you really want to do, you fucking moron? Says self to self. You damn is a tease to the world.
I was trying to distract this frustration about fixing my relationship with work by engaging to/with/in/on (or whatever f preposition it's called) another relationship. Or trying to engage in other relationship. This time with another human being. Hopefully to a man. I set my eyes on someone. A friend of mine way back since high school. I won't go into details on how it became. But self didn't expect to be so attached with the idea of a "love" possibility that I ended up struggling in waking up in the morning. It's him I think in the morning, he's like a prayer a say amen to every goddamn day I live. I'm sick of myself but I cant help it. It almost went for about 10 years. Ten fucking years, imagine that. Now, is it love? I don't think so. It's just the idea of love. See what kind of a lousy writer I am? I am a wreck, my thoughts are derailed, scattering like a thousand lost stars seen so bright at night.
But a break happens. Just last night. He text. And I was able to refuse self from replying. I deserve a tap in the back for that, don't you think whomever you are reading this? However shallow this might be to you but it means the whole world to me in my being.
So there. Am i supposed to say thank you to the shaper of the world because they didn't throw me tragic love in my way? I suppose.
I don't quite sure how to it this lousy blog post, so lazy to continue either.
I love you x.
