Screaming Yellow

Another week lies upon my feet, in a few hours it will be Monday again, I will hate my life once again. So before I restore the "hate" that boils out every time Monday appears on my very sight, not to say being able to look at someone you call professionally "higher" than you are, who you personally think is very, uh, how do say ugly very respectfully? I hate it seeing ugly. My thoughts are ugly, my soul is hateful, what good comes if I see ugly, at least have the decency to have your appearance as higher as your professionally higher status, man it's so hard to rant things out so beautifully, I want to spat ugly words, but yeah it's one of the

many things why I hate Mondays nowadays. And to even talk about Monday like a very important tight ass son of a bitch is, gah, I hate it. So before few hours of it arrives, let me subject myself to a topic of happiness, gratefulness and other adjectives of positivism. Shall we? :) (Disclaimer: Well, not really. Haha don't take my word for it. It's one of my dreams of becoming a very unreliable writer someday lol)

Two weeks ago, exactly at this hour, or much later, I pulled myself out from bed, opened my laptop and seek out job posts online. I saw one to my resume's liking. It was from an unknown AM (AM is an understatement, I bet nobody's even watching it except themselves lol semi kidding) tv program from an unknown channel. (Disclaimer: this didn't turned out to a "Yehey! Finally! I get to have another fucking job" shit. This is the fun side story of it. Just to redeem the experience of it. Or at least let me try, or else I'll just end up crying screaming horseshit " I'm not worth any goddamn thing" thing up in the air where He is smoking, probably laughing, whispering, "you can do it, Child") so anyways, so see, I sent an email, received a text message of an interview invitation the following day after that, said yes, lied to the government I am currently serving (contract of service) to hopefully serve another government (well, sort of), besides the 3 hours travel with my ass sitting on fire because, what do you know, EDSA, it was a surprise I didn't make it to outer space, it went pretty well, I say, but I can't bring myself to put a period to this story, so shall I go on to the I "received another text message for an interview invitation" few days after that, this time in Paranaque area where their HR office is located, it's a pretty complicated collaborated business, you see, the job is in QC, the HR is in Sucat, so anyways, man I was running out things to sort an excuse to skip work, I was already double doubting if it was even reasonable fighting for this goddamn thing, the follow up interview came up, what I supposed as a very short follow up one turned into a goddamn almost whole day, the exam was rotten. I could imagine myself crumpling it, or hoping of crumpling it after I get that news thru email that I didn't get the job, uttering "what a waste" the whole time to the HR's faces. You made me climb the very unsafe Coastal overpass to get to that fucking interview, you made me, and the other applicants wait almost the whole day, nerve to the bone, gasping for that hot air of "what might be", anticipating for that few minutes of pleasantries called "interview" shit. And what a fool we are, we've actually waited. It was actually my first time going to the airport not because I'm about to meet a family, relative, friend or go travel myself, but to spend an entire one and half hour lunchtime, eating a Burger Steak take out from Jollibee while balancing it on my lap, all the while staring at some "under construction" sign. Define a day, eh? It wasn't even Monday. During this entire process, I was with someone, an applicant for another position but to the same company. Her name was Ann. She was a fresh graduate. You wouldn't see it in her face. Or in her eyes for that matter. She was pleasant, she was adorable, I couldn't being so sarcastic and calm when I was her age (wow parang ang tanda ko na, feeling wisdom-y all of a sudden lol), she was one of the two things who made that experience upside right. The other one thing was Bennett, he was the person in charged with the HR, yes, the one that made us wait for almost a day. We seemed to be just of same age. So I had on my appearance a 20% stance of "I slightly disrespect you, you who made us wait and waste our time." What's the good thing about it? He was of the same University as I. The moment I said, "I am a graduate of Adamson blah blah", he started as if it was his first time reading my resume. My, if St Vincent wouldn't be so proud. Two human beings got cultured in a university dedicated after Him, now acting their part in the big big very wild corporate world. "Here's my chance at getting this" was my thought few seconds after that, when one experience immunity, you tend to overshare your weaknesses and less on the strength, and I did that, hell if I wasn't rumbling things as if I knew him my entire life. So when one week after that hell and heaven of a day I found out that I didn't get it, I pounced. It's only now that I get the chance to see it clearly (come to think of it, it's only now that I thought maybe it was a trick from him to get to me, to ruin my life lol), I mean, the ever "everything happens for a reason" shit right after I've get my head turned blonde, so blonde, no other Bennett of any HR company I would apply to the next time could get to my head . Ever. Mind you, I even managed to  post something like, "When bubble dreams burst outta your head, you don't blame the person or the circumstance who burst it, it's you, the dreamer, THE LOSER and nothing else, what better way to stop bursting, bleach it, bleach it til it can't burst no more" shit on social media with a picture of me all yellow. I was silly. But I'll reach that California Dreamin', and be bleach even more, and you, all HR of the world, all the Bennett of the world, all the Patricia Evangelista of the world (I had a very memorable - read that as horrible - experience of being interviewed by her) who get in the way of me reaching that dream, wait for that "I'll see you in my Office at 3am in the morning or else!" burst out of my mouth! Lol come the day. With that, I'd see peace with fingers pointing on you, and goodnight :) here's how yellow I was and still am from the experience hahaha 

The Wireless Fidelity Zone.

The - 

"Wala na kong girlfriend.”

“Ano?”

“Wala ‘kong girlfriend.”

“Wala kang girlfriend o wala ka nang girlfriend. May difference yun.”

“Does it matter?”

“Oo naman. Kung kaka-break mo pa lang, malamang ako gagawin mong rebound. Lalambingin mo ‘ko, sasabihan ng “ang ganda-ganda mo”, ng “you make me so happy”, “I really, really like you”, tanginang I really like you yan, tapos maniniwala ako tapos magugustuhan din kita tapos aasa ako na mamahalin mo ‘ko tapos pag mahal na mahal na kita, mawawala ka na lang, papaasahin mo ‘ko, aalis ka na lang na parang walang nangyari, na parang wala kang pusong pinaasa, leche ka, hayup ka, hayup kayong lahat.”

Mapapatigil si girl, nakatingin lang sa kanya si boy.

“Okay ka na? Masaya ka na? Magaan na ang loob mo? Nailabas mo na lahat?”

Titignan siya nang masama ni girl.

“Wala akong girlfriend.” -

Zoned. 

Written by Direk Antoinette Jadaone titled "Excerpt XX. INT. INUMAN PLACE, SINGAPORE. NIGHT." on her blog ilayailaya.wordpress.com 

The Sweet Poison of Vanity

Nagugulat ako sa nakukuhang traffic ng blog ko lately, kada araw may views, kada araw nadagdagan yung views ng mga posts ko na personally eh hindi ko naman pinagisipan talaga ng masinsinan, kung ano lang ang feel at pumasok sa isip ko, go post. Nakakakilig po, Higher Being. Ang babaw pero sabi ko nga mahilig ako sa underrated fun at pinapa-overrate ko sya, kasi sino pa bang gagawa nung appreciation sa mga kalokohan ko, kundi ako lang din. Duuhhh? Feel na feel ko na ang kasikatan ko sa blogspot kaya naman isang gabi, kahapon lang actually, pinagpuyatan kong pag-aralan ang google analytics hahaha!! Hindi ko kinakaya ang pagfi-feeling ko pero syempre di ba bilang isang papansin na writer, gusto ko rin malaman ng bongga kung sino na yung mga napapadpad sa blog ko, baka yung crush ko na pala na - may girlfriend na mahal na mahal sya at mukhang wala na talaga yatang balak bitawan at pakawalan sya para maangkin ng isang hayok na hayok, laway na laway na nilalang na gaya ko - ang nakakabasa ng blog ko di ba, syempre napakasarap sa feeling nun bilang isang nagmamahal sa isang taong may girlfriend na mahal na mahal sya at mukhang wala na talaga yatang balak bitawan at pakawalan sya para maangking ng isang hayok na hayok, laway na laway na nilalang na gaya ko hahaha paulit ulit. Pero going back, wala sa google analytics ang gusto kong mahanap. Yung feelings ng reader ang gusto kong malaman, kung anung tingin nila sa blog post ko. FEELING. Yan ang ang gusto kong malaman. Para naman may balance dito, di ba? Hindi yung puro ako nalang lagi ang nagpaparamdam. Iparamdam mo rin! Ganung drama. Haha! Puro statistics ang drama ni google analytics, though. Walang pangalan, walang notification whatsoever kung sino sino na ang nagshishare. Nakaka-frustrate isipin kung saan saan na napapadpad sa social world itong mga pinopost ko. Kaya naman kanina nung nagbukas ako ng email ko, tuwang tuwa ako kasi sabi may 2 comments raw na nagiwan sa latest post. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa sila nirereplyan kasi kilig na kilig pa ko hahaha feel na feel lang, I mean shet helena, peter o kung sinon ka man, ANO TO?! Hindi ko pinangarap ang dalawang comment na 'to sa blog ko! What do I do? Nakaka-panic! Paano ko i-hahandle ang ganitong kasikatan na 'to!! HAHAHAHA. Medyo nasagot yata ni David Martin, ang protagonist ni Carlos Ruiz Zafon sa librong "The Angel's Game" nung sinabi nya sa pambungad na chapter, "A writer never forgets the first time he accepted a few coins or a word of praise in exchange for a story. He will never forget the SWEET POISON OF VANITY in his blood, and the belief that, if he succeeds in not letting anyone discover his lack of talent, the dream of literature will provide him with a roof over his head, a hot meal at the end of the day, and what he covets the most: his name printed on a miserable piece of paper that surely will outlive him." Yung caps lock lang actually yung may sense sakin. At yan na yan yung nararamdaman ko nung makita ko ang mga views at ang dalawang comment. HAHAHA!! Aaaaahhh the sweet poison of vanity, thank you so much! 

The plagiarized "How to Quit Your Job like Sherwood Anderson"

May 14, 2014

___________________

Pinoy MD

News and Public Affairs

GMA Network Inc.

Dear, Ma'am:

Greetings! 

You have a child woman in your employ that I have thought for a long time should be fired. I refer to Vanessa Rosales. She is a person with a good deal of ability, but for a long time I have been convinced that her heart is not in her work. 

There is no question but that this woman Rosales has in some ways been an ornament to our organization. Her hair, for one thing, being long and messy gives an artistic carelessness to her personal appearance that somewhat impresses old colleagues such as Vernalie Loyola, Ariane Lingat and Elai Bensal, even Dingdong Dantes stares for a few seconds when they passed upon each other at the stairs. 

But this Rosales is not really productive. As I have said, her heart is not in her work. I think she should be fired and if you will not do the job, I should like permission to fire her myself. I therefore suggest that Rosales be asked to sever her connections with the company on the fourth week of June 2014. She is a nice person. We will let her down easy but let us can her.

Respectfully submitted,

Vanessa Rosales

(unsigned)

Disclaimer: Knowing perhaps that the letter content was pulled out from somebody's great work, my producer refused to accept it and demand for a standard one, but she kept it just the same haha the Dingdong Dantes incident really did happened, naging kami po for a few seconds. Pangako. Lol. Ang sarap, beh, I mean ang sarap balik balikan sa utak ng mga pangyayari. Nakakamiss ang buhay showbizness (wow), yung side ng showbiz kung saan frustrate na frustrate ka na sa kakahanap ng case study na may malalang karamdaman pero dapat mukhang class A pagharap sa tv, maghanap ng location na within QC lang, ng recipes, ng resource person na magaling mag-upsot, ng chef na hindi mataba, yung hindi ma-oily, at kung anu-ano pang klase ng kababuyan, wala na tayong magagawa, wala na tayong magagawa, napapaligiran na tayong lahat ng, teka, naging kanta na ng radio active sago project ang daloy ng kwento. Pero yun lang naman, nakakamiss. Sana ma-"the time came to free himself from the shackles of the corporate world and plunge wholeheartedly into his craft" zoned na ko one of these days, gaya ni Sherwood Anderson. Mahaba-haba pa, may time pa, kaya pang mangarap hanggang sa ma-beat ko yung pagfo-float at pagta-travel nya, taking all the shit of the world around with him hanggang makarating sa landing ng kanyang pangarap at 41 years old. Hanep di ba?