Fresh Grad.

"Sana pag binasa ko ulit to next month eh nakaraos na ako sa tinatawag kong problema ngayon. Sana nakalampas na ako sa sitwasyon na kinaroroonan ko. Next stage na naman please. Sa ilang buwan n pananatili ko dito sa bahay, naging masaya naman ako, sa pagbabantay ko kay Clark, sa pag-aantay ng mga palabas na gusto kong panoorin. Pero di nawawala ang pakiramdam na parang napagiiwanan na ako. Ginagawa ko naman ang makakaya ko para tanggapin sa mga kumpanya na pinag-aapplyan ko. Ano ang kulang? Onti-onti na akong nawawalan ng pag-asa. At kung dati iiyak lang ako para makuha ang mga gusto ko kila mama at papa at sa pamilya ko. Ngayon, kahit super dami na sigurong luha ang mailabas ko, pupunasan lang nila ito, bibigyan ako ng mga advice, sasabihan ng "makakahanap ka rin. Take your time." Hanggang doon nalang ang support nila. Nasa akin na ang desisyon kung saan papatungo ang buhay ko. Noong tinanggap ko yung diploma na yun kamakailan akala ko hudyat na iyon para masabi ko sa kanila na "kaya ko na po ito". Hindi pala. Ma, Pa. Okay lang ba, kahit ngayong araw lang, pwede ko bang sabihin na "hay, ewan ko, bahala na muna"?"

- Self at 20, 30 June 2012

Forgive me, Alphabet.

Where to start? When was the day we've suddenly drifted apart? We used to be so closed like a middle finger tightly clinging on the back of forefinger. I even conspire to the future to name my first child, Alphabet. 26 letters compressed in one word. But then, we drifted off like a four season. You couldn't bear the coldness of the day so you decided going, exploring the dryness of the night. You reason out on me, telling me things; exciting new places. In my mind there formed pictures of green trees, its vines, butterflies, flowers, water gushing out, the smell of nature, the taste of fiction-- the coldness of comfort freezed that forever. It was all in the mind as I chose routine over passion. Shaking your head, you draw a long sigh, opened the door and paused. You stepped out without closing the door behind you. It was always a question mark by the end of the day, full of ifs and butterflies in the stomach after you left. I found the guts to draw the curtains up and check where could you have possibly gone but winds blow off any traces of footsteps. I don't even know where North and South is. Or tell the difference between East and West. Even what feet to use first in finding you is very hard at this time. Give me time, Alphabet. Go ahead and explore for what we have is four worlds. Chance encounter is never impossible. Just be patient.  

Written 12 December 2012

Update 

28 January 2018

Getting back to the habit of doing my own laundry, perhaps by this the habit of writing will come back as well.