Byline

I outlined a story, could not recall the disposition of my mind when I did it, it didn't change the world, but it steered my heart

A not so sweet disposition

She was in a cafe waiting for friends. It was Monday. It was quite another milestone for her because rarely does she come on time to any meet ups or finding herself waiting. The situation actually felt good for her. It was refreshing like the first break of dawn with a clean wisp of air. It is not something to be proud about, but it is normal for her to be late. It is not arrogance. It is who she is. She has her reasons. One of these must be the adjective called fear of not knowing where to go, of always hesitating on what foot to step first. Beimg on time brings so much pain in her. It must be related to the environment of growing up. There must be a psychological explanation somewhere to the feeling of being lost in the midst of "i'm almost there, stay at this place for a while" or "text me where you are, i'll be there" given to her. It is terrifying. This attitude reflects exactly how she live her life; alive, breathing, but aimless with a scent of bad organ.

She often wonders how other people view her disposition... Is she trying too hard not to appear like a newbie to this "waiting" scenario?  

She must be. 

The world seemed indifferent and doesn't even steer. For her. What a pity. 

A Short Narrative on Somebody Else's Joy.

On my way home from work, I chanced upon a boy with glasses in the bus. He appeared to be a student fresh out from a college culture, for his age, he was wearing a very drawn and exhausted face. I took no notice after that initial “commute people do to whomever they seat beside with” once over. After a while he took out his phone and read a text message that came, while I was busy minding my own misery. What caught me was his reaction to the text, he seemed to yelp a silent hooray the way he was beaming. I glanced on his phone, it has a huge text resolution on it so I was able to glimpse portions of the text he was so ecstatic about. It was a congratulatory message of being hired. I was in a black mood before this scenario but seeing him so happy was enough to make my heart glow, this small success of his made me hopeful, I managed a secret smile as he can’t seemed to contain it himself, he kept looking back to the text, smiling, glorifying, lightning up on the success he just received. He closed his eyes and I think he was collecting all the positive energy in him to thank all the gods who gave him the success. I forget my own misery for a while. It was like seeing fireworks in the sky, the joy, no matter how fleeting or long, made me appreciate my own blessing as well. - randomly written on August 11, 2015.