Made-up Lovestory

I've been loving you for so long. From a distance, I whisper to the wind what my heart is shouting. It's beating "I love you, I love you, I love you" just like your favorite song playing in a repeat mode. We are friends, we laugh together, joke and fool around. There are awkward moments because society says you're a man and I'm a woman. Meant to be together, not to be keep apart. There's one moment where I see a glimpse of hope of "us", "we", being one together, sharing the same noun with a single verb in a sentence, in a paragraph, in a story, creating a life, breathing the same air. During a class discussion, I always raise my hands to feign intelligence. I have to endure the embarrassment and humiliation when a teacher calls me for recitation. I am a stammering freak. I hate her, she should know that I am feigning. Maybe I could forgive her if one day she'll ask me"what is love?". I'll point you without much hesitation. Very cheeky perhaps but that's what you are to me. In Geometry, we sit apart, you sitting in front of the row, while I'm contented sitting at the back, staring and glowing at the mere sight of your back, the shape of your ears, your tousled hair, that tiny mole on your nape that's mocking me. Mindless to the teacher whose asking the class to compute the speed of car B from car C and A and all those shit that makes the world a complicated math world. You barely notice me because you are happy. I hold my breath as I see you look on your right. Sitting beside you is the woman you love. You look so perfect together, from the back of my mind, an evil thought says "ruin that perfection". But, I just watch silently from behind, murmuring from within that it's alright, I'm not hurting. This thing go on as we enter to other school ground called college, we remain friends. I say, I am dying. I could not hold on to you any longer. Waiting is a disease burning deep within me.

Once in a yellow piece of paper

It was January 2012, when-- during her long dragging Spanish class, she decided to be brave and impulsive. This inspiration came from a close friend in college. She tore a piece of paper, and started scribbling down. As any normal letter, she started with "Dear", she paused, held the pen in a hesitating manner, stared out in a blank wall, took a deep breath and one by one, as though learning the alphabet for the first time, she wrote his name. And her pen broke a sigh of relief. Then came a complete silence, thinking, seeming, hoping-- she continued on. At random, with uncontrollable urge, she used her hands to pour out words and emotion her eyes and mouth cannot implore: "i love you to pieces and distractions..""please love me, i could wait forever if..""someday you'll see..""why? Why not me..?""if you are happy..""I hope all the happiness for you both..""forever ends here, I guess..""I'm letting you go... you were not mine in the first place""I am both happy and sad..""This is not easy as I thought it would be..." on and on she went until her hands'd gone so angry red she stopped. 

Another month dragged on. She waits. But deep inside her she already know. She waits. She cries every night. She waits. The long letter she wrote fades into silence. She waits. It fades. The pain. She cries. The long letter she wrote whispers to her every night: "why haven't you give me to him yet?" She waits. Teardrops can be seen in a yellow piece of paper where she wrote her love letter...

Doodle Writing

There's an animal farm growing in my head. It's keeping me awake at night. I hear them talk about politics, local and international showbiz, big events, north korea, scarborough schoal, jessica sanchez, how hot it is in the philippines, when's the premiere of the season three of the walking dead, how lousy the ending of city hunter was, why housemates of the latest season of pbb don't look like 14-15 years, and the latest world wide trending topics on twitter. They're growing fast! They're whirling in my head, the wild ones are biting, clawing, creeping, leaping, scathing. I heard one big crocodile shouts, "not enough exposure for us these days, huh?" My mind's about to burst when I feel that someone choke and strangled the crocodile back to the river deep within my brain. From the hissed, my guess it was the menacing snake. "Let's start a big riot!" screams the lizards in unison. That was then that the ever-peacemaker-chicken starts to cry his "taktakputak!" repeatedly. And it was another day again. Animal farm in my head can do nothing about it, as of now. X