Oh no it didn't

The ever lame post of "Dahil sa katamaran kong kumilos, natapos ko rin sa wakas basahin ang napakahabang libro na Gone with the Wind." or you can read a longer version of it because nothing's ever been simple, so let's make it as complex as possible haha shall we...

So... 

Hi, again! Have you ever been asked, "what have you accomplished this year?" or have you asked this yourself lately? I do. I did. Constantly. And it's an ever frustrating question which always put a frown and a cloud over my face. I'm twenty four and I still have this notion of "I can change the world" through doing something significant. That's how idealistic I am. But when it comes to really doing it, I'll give out a sigh and just procrastinate my way out of it. Have you ever felt that? "It's a pretty load shit to change the world, much less change your ways or your perspectives on a lot of things about life. Changing ways of life is a one huge sacrifice, see" a peering old lady might say. But shoo away that, I see some people my age from different walks of life have become a "something" of this or that; either they have established themselves a business that they have always desire, created something wonderful that could change the future of the young ones, or started building their family, getting married, getting pregnant, or have traveled to different countries and cities they've always dream to be, or simply materialized the "this is the someday that I have been waiting for". 

Where was I during it? What was I doing to accomplished this "someday is the day" goal? Simply put, I was in the corner reading about the success of others. Yes, reading. An aspiring astronaut would call it star gazing, but I will call it reading. Reading always take me far off; I have become a successful businessman, I have created something wonderful to humankind, I have built my own family, become a man, become a woman, got pregnant, become a child, I have traveled so may countries and cities I could ever dream of, all at once, just by reading. With that, I could say that "Yes! I have become something this year, from the day God bestow upon me a talent, a passion that could be my lifetime accomplishment which could never be taken away from me even if I go blind, it will stay with me forever!" 

I realized this just recently : most people can read the I way read, but not most people can write the way I write. I have my tender spots, yes, but my lack of coherence on anything unreasonable in life, like, uh, say math, I make up for reading and writing. This is how I survived. I survived my family's confusion on why I read so much. I survived my brother's contempt of it once. I could never forget the time when he threw the book I was reading outside our house because it has been days since I moved around the house. I've survived singlehood at twenty four/ I survived not having to call someone a boyfriend. I've sacrificed going out with my friends for a stay at home reading because ATM my soul exist somewhere else. Reading is what I have become, a procrastinator, a lazy being afraid of the world, but it made me become a writer, or want to become a writer. But the existence of graduation, that "you're done from this fucking expensive four year college, let's see what you've got" diploma staring you in the face, the peer pressure, the slaving, the thriving to "become something else" the world dictates, the monotonous and very routine work have somehow distinguished some of that fire. 

But no, oh it didn't t'ning into ashes, it will n'ver eve' happen. Why, I just finished readin' off a very long complex book like Gone with the Wind. It sure was a self accomplishment, see.

The Quest for Bebelove

So, after two HBO movies sa bago naming flatscreen tv na napanalunan ko as major raffle prize sa Christmas Party ng office na note, 50 inches, note ulit baka hindi mo nabasa ng matino: 50 inches! haha!!! One post on Instagram, social media scrolling, one glass of wine and too much intake of calories, here I am to post something about our first ever experience spending Christmas day outdoor. Yes, we made an effort to go out and it was too hilarious not to share. Kailangan ko talaga ng isang araw na bwelo kasi isang pagsubok ang dinanas ng pamilya ko mapanood lang ang movie na 'to. Yung gusto kong magmura kung bakit ba naisipan naming panoorin ang pelikula na 'yon, yung mag-effort palang na lumabas ng bahay at makipagsapalaran sa siksikang mall in the first place, dun palang napapamura na'ko eh as I reflect haha pero baka may makabasa na fan so 'wag nalang haha at ginusto naman namin yun tsaka kasama ko naman yung pamilya ko during that experience, so okay lang, we ended up laughing about it afterwards. So here we go. Ang backstory: Since the phenomenal breakout of "Aldub" of Eat Bulaga's segment called Kalyeserye featuring Alden Richards and Maine Mendoza, yung Nanay at Tatay ko pati pinsan at pamangkin ko iba yung pagka-humaling, like most of its fans. I have to admit even I hopped in on the bandwagon. For a while, at least until it feels like, sorry but for lack of a better term, it's like eating a liempo or a bubblegum that lost its taste as I chew. But my heart still aches for Alden haha crush na crush ko na sya kindergarten palang. Charot. Haha! 

Simula nang Aldub na yan, walang pinapalampas na episodes yung mga magulang ko, news about aldub alam nila yan, walang makakapigil sa kanila ika nga ng mga pabebe girls, yung pamangkin ko lahat ng commercials, billboards humaling na humaling hahaha yung papakantahin ka at pipilitin kang panoorin ang commercial nila, it was adorable. Eh dumating 'tong movie na 'to, My Bebelove #KiligPaMore, sabi ko "ay tiyak hindi sila papayag na mapalampas 'to! Hindi pwede!" So I took the initiative haha not knowing the sacrifice (read: pagsubok) afterwards charing haha naisipan kong yayain silang manood on Christmas Day. Maliban sa Kuya kong ang hobby bukod sa pagiging sikat na barefoot runner, ay ang matulog nang matulog habang may pagkakataon, na nag-react nang "seryoso kayo diyan?" at sa usual antics, "Kayo nalang" ng Tatay ko, wala namang nag big no vehemently, wow. So go kaming lahat, yung tatay at nanay ko, yung oldest brother ko with Ate Carol and their Clark, then Marvy, yung pinsan kong humaling na humaling rin, tapos ako. Sayang nga at wala pa roon yung pamilya ng isa ko pang kuya. Para mas maging wild ang experience! Haha. Aware naman kaming madami talagang tao sa mall tuwing Pasko, pero hindi pa namin nae-experience kung gaano kadami yung volume, yung hinayupak na level ng tao na dadagsa sa mall ng Pasko, sanay kami sa bahay lang, kumain ng kumain ng kumain. Ganun. Kaya push kami carebear kayong mga tao kayo manonood kami ng My Bebelove #KiligPamore walang makakapigil sa'min! Yan ang motto ng pamilya ko kahapon.

Pucha, eh byahe palang effort na. Sakay ng jeep pami-pamilya na may kargang mga bata, from four years old to one month old! Juskopo! Anung alam nyan sa Aldub. And to think na nasa kabihasnan na kami ng lagay na yun. Magmumula kami ng Carmona papuntang SM Sta. Rosa. Who would think na ganun?! Akala ko sa City lang ang hype ganyan. Sa byahe palang nakakapagod na, wala kasing derecho na sakayan papunta doon so we have to hop in and out sa jeep bago makarating sa mall. Yung may makakasabay ka na nanay na may dala dalang apat na bata sa pagsakay ng jeep na hindi nakahinto ng maayos tapos bigla silang bababa ulit kasi puno na tapos makakasalubong mo sila habang ikaw at kayo ng mga kasama mong mandirigma papaakyat tapos yung jeep hindi maayos yung paghinto kasi pala nasa maling hintuan sya na nangangahulugan na nasa maling sakayan rin kayo, mga ganung eksena te. Napaka-delikado kahit ako nag-panic na nakakaawa na nakakatawa makakita at maging part sa ganoong klaseng situation. Tapos loko loko yung kuya ko kung makatawa pero 'yon lang ginawa namin sa jeep nung nakasakay na kami ng maayos. Kasi kesa naman maghimutok di ba, itawa nalang.

Culture shock ang tao sa SM Sta. Rosa. Not to say yung amoy sa bawat corners. Ibang klase, parang ayoko na nga i-push 'tong blog update na 'to kasi naalala ko at ayaw ko nang maalala hahaha!! Pagpasok palang punong-puno nang tao ang mga kainan, department store, kahit saan ka sumuot may tao. Kaya derecho kami agad sa sinehan. Shit just turned real ang experience. Just imagine yung pila, siguro from Zapote to Alabang, pucha di ba? Tapos one cinema showing lang. Pucha talaga. Tiningnan ko yung mga magulang ko, medyo nalungkot siguro sila, kasi kahit ako nga pag may gustong gusto ako, nadi-disappoint na na parang "me against the world" perspective agad pag hindi ko nakukuha o nagagawa yung gusto kong gawin, yun pa kaya na simpleng pagnood lang ng favorite Aldub nila. Pero nakaka-overwhelm kasi talaga yung pila eh, ang nasabi ko nalang, "Mag All I Want is Pag-Ibig nalang tayo, gusto 'nyo?" hindi sila umimik agad, maya maya sabi ng nanay ko, "sa ibang araw nalang tayo, wala na sigurong pila sa linggo". Take that Aldub! If ever man na magpasabog kayo ng loyalty award, sana naman maging candidate yung magulang ko. Justice! Haha. 

Naisipan nalang ni Ate Carol na bilhan si Clark ng laruan sa Toy Section ng Department Store gamit ang pinaskuhan na 100 pesos na binigay kay Clark habang nakatambay kami sa gate ng kapitbahay ni Papa habang nagaantay ng tricycle palabas bago ang mall escapade. Christmas feel talaga! Loneliest feeling in the world not being considered a child anymore during Christmas season. Yung age ko hindi na swak sa 100 pesos level, sobrang heartbreaking. Shala sa drama haha but moving forward, hindi na kami sumama sa pagbili ng laruan kasi napakasikip ng mundo sa SM Sta. Rosa, kumain nalang kami ng halo halo sa razons para lumamig yung mga ulo namin haha (note: first time naming kumain ng halo halo sa razons na buo buo ang yelo like gaaaa will this day turn right ever like for once?!) Anyways, katabi ng SM Sta. Rosa ang SM Robinsons or Robinsons or whatever you call it, come to think of it, magandang idea ang ipagdikit nalang sana ang SM at Robinsons para hindi na kami mahirapan na tagapanood ng crappy movies during MMFF kakalakad para alamin kung mahaba ang pila ng isang sikat na crappy movie na entry sa MMFF kasi pukang ama nyo, nilakad namin from SM Sto. Rosa to Robinsons, mapanood lang kayo. You have to take me seriously and do it! Haha. Nag-decide kaming lakarin nalang kasi ayaw parin naman naming umuwi kasi effort yung byahe, habang naglalakad kami tanaw namin sa left side ang napakagandang scenery na magpapaala sayo ng mga patayan scenes or rape scenes na uso sa mga makalumang Filipino films, sa right side naman medyo highway, puro alikabog, tapos mainit, ganun ka-effort, Quest for Bebelove talaga ang peg. Pagdating pa namin sa sinehan ng Robinsons may nakasagutan kaming kamukha ni Madam Auring na may pagkakahawig rin sa mga babaeng nangmomodus na nakikita natin palagi sa 24 Oras at TV Patrol, na-imagine mo? Beware, baka maka-experience ka rin na ganyan na ganyan din ang description. Hahaha! Pero it turned out na aldub fans lang din sila ng anak nya na willing to fight for their rights, kahit gaano man kababaw ang rights na pinaglalaban nila. Well, hindi rin kami nagpatalo! Fans din kami eh! I mean, yung nanay at tatay ko. Haha so nakipagtalo rin kami. Pumunta kami dun with a motto "Walang makakapigil samin!" kahit mukhang Madam Auring ka pa, wala kaming pake! Nakakatakot no? Medyo bothering na rin. Like what are we turning into just for this Aldub thing? Haha pero what the heck, it was fun.

Tiniis namin yon kasi medyo tolerable ang pila kesa sa una naming pinuntahan. Nakipagsapalaran kaming lumabas around 2PM, nakanood kami ng mga 5PM. Was it worth it? Yes, definitely because I was with my family. And it was one hell of a first time experience especially during Christmas. I'm sure it will definitely our last haha! I couldn't imagine anybody doing it for the second time. Grabe lang 'yon. How about the movie? You may ask with that know it all lopsided smirk. Well, it was a laugh. But it was a trash for my standard :) no artist will ever be a part of it. Not without a specific "I can change the world" purpose. Just no. And the egoistic "A film by" was overly written. Gaaaa. JUST NO.

So there, that was our Christmas 2015. How's yours? :)

A sucker for anything romance

Hi, dear reader of mine. How you doing? I've been meaning to post two weeks ago about some crap self have been into but procrastination got the best of me, no surprise there eh? How consistent. Blame it on social media as well, I couldn't count the scrolls I've been making everyday of my life, on Facebook, on Instagram, on Twitter. Such a waste. Nalipasan nalang yung mga ikukwento ko dapat dito. Pero I will try to post everything here one at a time, however crappy those things are haha really hard to balance consistency and procrastination, but for the chance of changing the world of somebody out there (who am I kidding haha it's just me trying to change me haha), I will! Haha naks. Anyways, two weeks ago or one week ago or I don't know, would you know? Haha basta some days ago I was surfing on Youtube for something to watch and my aching heart happened to stumble upon this romance anime titled "Wolf Girl and Black Prince", it's an anime series consist with 24 episodes, it took only 1 episode to get me hooked. It was shallow, yes, perhaps but who cares, I got a thing for all things romance, however ironic it may sound. If you do as well, here's my list of anime romance that's good to watch this holiday season :) 

1. Whisper of the Heart - This Studio Ghibli produced is all about finding a man at such a tender age na makakasama mong mangarap at tuparin ang pangarap na 'yon. Naka-relate ako kay Shizuku, the main character in the movie, she loves to read, Wikipedia calls her a "bookworm", and a keen writer herself but lacks confidence on her writings. That typical girl. Then she met a man who happens to love reading as well and appreciates everything that breathes 'art". Bakit ganun! Napaka-unfair. Charing. Anyways, isa sa catch ng movie is yung kantang "Take me Home, Country Roads", may nostalgia. 

2. The Girl Who Leapt Through Time - kung saan nag-originate ang quote na "Time Waits for No One". It's a famous anime movie na magpapaisip sayong, "shet bakit ngayon ko lang pinapanood ito!!!" Obvious naman sa title na it's a girl (Makoto) who time travel or "time-leap" or yung nako-control nya yung oras backward forward and what not. One memorable / catchy scene was the riding in the bike scene / love confession scene of her best friend, Chiaki Mamiya to her. It was sweet. It was painful. Watch it for yourself :) my single heart ached after watching it. 

3. 5 centimeters per second - The typical boy meets girl or the girl meets boy pero sa bandang dulo hindi parin nag-work out. Nakaka-frustrate. Maiintindihan mo ang salitang "yearning" sa iba't ibang angulo according kung saang perspective among the characters ka makaka-relate. Kay Kanae Kumida ako naka-relate. That girl who loves someone, yearn for him but jsut couldn't express it. Arte. Haha! 

4. Wolf Girl and Black Prince & Special A - your typical anime, yes but I'm really a sucker for anything romance. I crave for it. I love reading about it, I love watching it, I love how characters conquer it in ways that I don't haha Wolf Girl and Black Prince is a special catch. Naiyak ako halfway through it. Minsan pala kailangan mong magpakatanga sa pag-ibig to fully understand it. Ansabe? Haha.

So there! :) Let me know what you think of it, you might have recommendations as well, would really appreciate that, yun eh kung may nagbabasa nga nito haha but here's my email, vanessarosales.05@gmail,com email me!

Disclaimer: All photos and GIFs are Google Images. Courtesy / Credit to the original owners. :) 

Disclaimer: Forgive the crappy english haha 

9 x 4.

Does solving a simple numerical reasoning makes me a math wizard?! Hahaha. Just computed this math problem : "Adding twice the number to the difference of thrice the number and 4 is just like subtracting 10 from three times the product of half of the number and 4. Find the number." Among five choices, I chose "6" as the fucking number. It was hard on the nine times 4 though hahaha but a pat to you self! Goodness, you really are doing it! Lol what a lonely kid. 

Experience : An overstatement

It's been two weeks already since that nerve-wracking, almost soul shattering experience of being the master of ceremony for a two day formal gathering, and up until now, it's still reeling in my head, repeatedly replaying all that sweaty in the hand kind of experience in my head, whenever I do, I would smirk or twitch to myself, or go make an excuse to the bathroom just to sit in the bowl for a while (I'm so thankful for every bowl in the bathroom who swore to flushing secrecy), and curse myself, or the rest of the world for being such a know it all bunch of critics. Constructive criticism, my ass. Who are you kidding. But in any ways, it was one hell of an experience. Another fearful demon of "You can't do it!" had been shoo  away, at least during that experience. Hosting or speaking eloquence in a room full of people has never been one of my passions, or virtues for that matter. I took up Mass Communication in college because I love reading, and way back, I was thinking, perhaps taking the course was the way to the future of becoming this great mills and boon, harlequin kind of writer. During that four years, not only that I learn to appreciate more of it as a serious (as well as very maddening to the point where you just want to procrastinate just like this one) passion, I was also able to appreciate the art of acting, besides writing essays and productions, it was one subject I truly had hang ups with. I would enjoy waking up in the morning to go to class knowing I would be learning new things about the subject. Acting is like reading or writing for me, you get to escape from your "self". It wasn't philosophical, it was just the way I feel about it, up until now. But never did I learn to appreciate whatever art exist in public speaking, or being the master of ceremony to any gatherings, or speaking AS YOURSELF in a podium with a mic with all these cynical people looking at you, watching your every move for mistake. In college it was okay because, well, I thought it was just for the grades. Never did I imagine doing it for the purpose of a job. I won't go into details with every emotions I felt to every criticisms I've heard during and after that. It wasn't my passion, after all. But still it was given to me because all my boss saw something in me, that I can do it, so it was important to me that I would do at least good at it. One of the best things about it? When one or two or three of your mentors (aka bosses) shake your hand as their way of saying, "good job!", not to say a lesson of believing in and with myself more. It made me think of the potential I can make. It sure was a "for a fleeting moment there I thought I could do great things in this world" kind of experience. But take all the criticism that you can take, savor it, until you can't take it anymore haha man, I can't even imagine the lives of all these famous prominent people, must so hard to sleep at night. 

It got me all drained after it was done. 

Courage.

How do I say "I love you" to the person who doesn't love me back? Can I use a hashtag in order for him to feel it? 

Atychiphobia

Self is currently reviewing for the Civil Service Exam on Sunday (highlighting it in capital so as to give it a super duper high importance to let it feel how badly I want it to let me pass lol), on the analogy part, I stumble upon these various words I've never heard utter or even read before in my life, not once. Only now. It was amazing how I feel so braggy (is this even a word, I can't be sure anymore) about what I already know but stumbling on these words, I feel like an ignorant 5th grader, learning all these words like it's the first time. It is the first time. One memorable word is this "Atychiphobia" or the abnormal, unwarranted, and persistent fear of failure that often leads to constricted lifestyle, and is particularly devastating for its effect on a person's willingness to attempt certain activities. Like how the hell do these linguistics or whatever they are called came up with that! Just let me pass! And I ain't wonder no more!

"That Time of the Month"

Wrote this utter crap yesterday. What was on my mind? I didn't cry but but my annoyance got me more than an eight hour worth of sleep, do I say my thanks? -> This is one of those "that time of the month" when I want to punch somebody on the mouth so hard just for the heck of it, and I want to lie down in bed after, just stare out at the utter nothingness of nothing, and cry over this uncontrollable, hard to explain piss that I'm currently having. The world offers no comfort, none at all. Not even a simple nudge of assurance of "just a little while, you little piece of shit you". Nothing. In fact, it conspires to do anything and everything to piss and annoy you even more. I'm about to burst from so much annoyance, I want to cry at the same time. What is this feeling. <- In my head right now is this lists of all things to avoid or lessen for a while. Repeatedly listing and re-listing it in my head, lest I forget, which happens often by the way, are the following list. Might be of help to whoever is reading right now.

1) More sleep, please, Self? Can you do that? I dare you to do that. Just that. Do I need to ask more? More? Can you sleep at 9 or 10PM everyday? 

2) Less Facebook. Yes, Facebook. And nothing else. Nothing else matter except that, at least in your life right now. So can you at least try to just breath far from it for a while? Just for a while? Until this "that time of the month" turmoil stops.

3) Drink water. Lots of water. Have mercy on your cheeks marked now with pimples.

4) Buy that Ginger or Lemongrass tea one of your chef friend recommended to lessen belly fats. Not just buy, by the way, try to drink it as well.

5) Stay away from crappy friends for a while. No two crappy people are bound to do good things. Your friends are crappy, you is crappy. Why the hell should you meet? 

6) Do not be too serious about this list. But be serious about spending your time wisely this time. Don't make an effort unless there's really a need to do it. 

7) Be strong on your convictions, but you have no convictions, so stay like that. Don't be too mainstream about it. 

8) Can you Ssssshhhh for like a while and just stop talking and listen?  

9) Can you do it?

10) 

Dear, Gee.

To the person I once knew, who beat me at bowling, I write to you with eyes flooded with mucus, with mouth dry as placid (whatever that means), with nipples tender from sleep. It has been so long, the idea of you, of once knowing you is fading as days go by, you are but a distant memory, but then you to me are the significant experience of my 23 years, however brief that encounter was, you are the transition that I have been longing for. Until it passes. Out of nowhere, she remembers me, you'd probably think. Yes, agree with you on that. I woke up last Saturday with nostalgia, inside my head, a drawer was left open, maybe it was from a dream, I can't be sure, all memories of you flashed back in seconds, I was left helpless, longing for you, or the idea of you. Same as you, you are fond of scattered words, of extensive narrative meaningless lines, like this, so I'm pretty sure you would understand me. How's work, you may ask me? Maybe that is why I seek you from my memory out, or the memory of us, however brief that was, from the back of my mind. You have entered through there, and I was released. I have been so busy these past few days over things I've no passionate about, don't pity me. We take what we think we deserve, and I frustrate on making good at it. I'm sure, you are one who could understand me on this. It was one hell of a week, or weeks. And when it was over, I seek you out as a comfort. As a result I craved for bowling to unwind myself, we had good memory at doing bowling. I was pretty tempted to hit you a message, but I remember, things might get complicated. We are not supposed to be friends. And you are not to read this. If you can, I'm sure you will, but I know you can't right now. So I invited friends to come with me, but mind you, and ever we'd met again, or talk to you again, this is one of the things I want tell you about, of how hard it is to seek friends out these days, was it me, was it them, or was it the world, who are to blame, as we drift further and further apart? It'pretty impossible to get a simple, "yes I'm free today!" these days, pretty lousy hard to come by. Sour grape, that was me for sure. There's always an excuse. I know because I do it sometimes. But why we do that to ourselves, is I keep asking myself. One hell of a roller coaster ride, and we will never gonna beat each other out, friends. So that's what what happened. I was left very frustrated. I wanted to go out there and beat the hell out of someone's butt at bowling last Saturday. It almost did come true when a group of friends from high school hit me a message about a bowling game happening late that day. I was ecstatic. But it didn't happen with one reason reasonable enough for it not to happen, we ended up watching this Second Chance movie. It was a movie, alright. Not a film, but a movie. I could cry over a lost dime over that movie, but I was with friends, so it was alright. Everything was alright. One friend from that group invited me to play bowling the next day, and I said yes. And before I end this with picture slides and some videos of how awesome it was, with how I beat my friends out of it, of how good I am at it now enough to persuade the world to let us meet again for a one round or two of a bowling match, just for one round or two of a fucking bowling match. You could not imagine how badly I want to hit you a message and talk random with you, to know how life is treating you on your side of the world, and of how it is treating me just fine, with enough frustration and bitter courage enough to drive me to a craving of deep despair of winning at least something out of this unbelievably competitive world, I surprised myself. Would be so happy to see you again, you know pretty well how to find me. With longing, here's some pictures and video to show you how much :) x

Hi, Self.

Hi to you, Self. It's been a long time since, don't you think? But my, out of nowhere, I prayed for you today, as I washed the rice me and mother have to take for dinner, I prayed for you, alright. I said to Them, 

"Lord, God, Mama Mary. I pray for the soul of this girl that I greatly know and do not know. Align her priorities for the rest of the year and next year. She must know that she is not getting any younger. The world doesn't go backward, apparently. It's not always that she would be backed by her parents all the time. It will not be always that her mother have to repeatedly shout "Inday! Gising na, tatanghaliin ka na naman sa trabaho nyan!" during mornings all the days of her life. The world doesn't work that way. Instill in her always the blessing of having a father, a mother, brothers and their families as her support system on her life. And also the constant presence of friends. Teach her to invest. Not just on money. But teach her that the greatest investment a person could ever have is the investment of having a life. Teach her the value of time; that it is to be consumed like water must be consumed, it has to be consumed slowly during mornings before taking a bath, before meal and before dinner, at least eight glasses of it. Or else life will stop beating all of a sudden. The essence of time will be lost, then. Who would she be without her parents around her, or if she'd be lucky to grow old with them, what must be her resources to support them? No, dear you can't turn to your brothers right now, let her realized that. It is not an option. They care, of course, there is no doubt about it, but their families are their own priorities now. She's on her own, making her own choices. Taking too hard on it most of the time. What a turtle this person, can't she moved more fast. At least have her that. Teach her to be strong that nothing can break her except love. Teach her to focus. Teach her to grow up. Teach her not be to fucking scared always; with the idea of herself, with her feelings, with the smell of death surrounding her everyday, with the way the world look at her. Challenge her to the point where she woke up the next day believing with and in herself more. Cultivate her love for smaller things in life, from books, music, movies, catch phrases she have picked scattered everywhere. 

She is currently working on passing that civil service exam this year. It is her second time to take it. Heal the wound that she had in her by letting her pass this time. But be tough on her that in order to pass, it must be give and take, that wishing is different from praying. Let her act on it. She believes that she is not of those materialistic peoples but her mind is in constant ache with things like, "I want to buy a new phone on my next payday", "I want to buy a new book today", "I want a new pen today" among others. Let her realized that she just couldn't allow herself to be a wanting machine of whims everyday of her life. She has to pull herself up from that. Instill that in her. Fix her. Strengthen her priorities; along with it the dream of having that house of their own, where she wants her parents to live for as long as whenever life allows it for them. If she couldn't find a husband, if not right away, if not ever, at least let these simple dreams of her come true." x

Trial and Error

Can't think of a better subject to trial and error my skills (or the lack thereof) in video editing haha

DAVAO WORK

Hi. Ang dami kong gustong sabihin at gustong i-share. Pero some personal wacky trying to be artsy type lang muna as of now kasi medyo napapaligiran ako ng kadiliman at kaantukan habang sinusulat at ginagawa 'tong post pdate na ito. Photos can speak a lot more these days more than the flowery combo of lines and letters. 

All photos were taken in Davao during our office's six days consultative workshop. One day per division lang actually 'yon, pero the distance of each division consumed almost all of our time, swerte na ngang makapag-side trip kami sa Garden of Eden. I have to say naka-survive ako for six days in Davao na 40 pesos lang ang laman ng wallet ko. What do you say to that? Hindi 'yon intentional trying to be deep soul searching dare to myself, wala lang talaga na akong pera ng mga panahong yon hahaha! 

Medyo hesitant akong i-upload lahat kasi it might give away the nature of what my office provides for the country and eventually compromise me as an employee, mga ganun kemerlu. Anyways here it is :) me doing my job right with three exclamation point!!! Lol grabe yung gumawa ng registration sign na to, OA sa exclaim! Haha. 

The office conducted some inspection, and me and engineer were urged to go along to documents all the verbal and physical actions going on with the whole visitation. Here you go, Sir, my after activity report hahaha

A random photo with a lady officer. It's rare you get to see female being deployed in the field. Kudos to your brave soul, Ma'am!

And it's even more rare to keep holding on and continue standing dignified like this and aim for a world-class army that is a source of national pride. Surely ain't easy mission

Then this happened, group picture with the amazingly self absorbed Pink Mosque

And of course, the silly colorful hat that made the entire six days memorable

I really would want to post more than I could, but I couldn't. x

Dream a little dream of me

To my five anonymous readers out there, hi! You are becoming my inspiration to write more, not to say procrastinate more haha thank you! Won't you comment? I'll appreciate that most. But I won't push my luck. Haha! Anyways, won't you know, it's  freaking Monday once again and a typhoon named Lando is raping our dear Mother Philippines. As one of her millions of daughter, it's always a sad thing to just watch. As like the others, Lando is brutal, fast and furious in taking Mama Philippines, and as always our Mama is always left vulnerable and distraught. I've gone to bed hearing Lando's howling, Mama's other children were left drenched, it was hard to sleep but I surprisingly did. Letting Lando raped Mama Philly all night long left me very restless, I had the weirdest, if not the most absurd dream. In the dream, me and Anne Curtis and Erwan Heussaff were driving somewhere like we three are most tight friends the world could ever have. I don't know where the hell that dream come from. x

Here's to hoping

Binigo na naman ako ng puso ko today, nagwagi na naman si utak. Itong si utak talaga killjoy, pinapakilig na nga ako ni puso sa "that mini seconds of staring deep into your eyes" moments eh, pero nanaig na naman sya, as usual. Tanga rin kasi minsan 'tong si puso, may pa- "please give me sign" pang nalalaman eh kakinang kinang ng golden wedding ring ni kuya oh, kung makakasigaw lang ang ring, boses ng asawa nya maririnig ko, "layuan mo sya malandi ka, happily married kami!" HAHAHAHA!! Here's to hoping lang naman ate. Kumalma ka. 

A Mother's Hug

To whomever reading this, please don't tell me that I am the lamest title creator you have encountered! Haha! On the eve of self being twenty four, a lump of cancer was forming in the body's throat, it was scratchy, it was itchy, shit di ko ma-distinguish ang difference type of cough. Oh no you would not dare, you cancer cough you! But then it persisted, it must have sensed the weak lazy soul living inside the body. So this bout of cough have been agonizing my entire daily activities or the lack thereof, wow you may say but see here dahil nasa usaping ganito narin naman, you have to understand that people my age usually do this bullshit "wait lang ha check ko muna yung sched ko kung pwede ako" bullshit that lately it has become a bullshit norm. In response to this, yung ubo ko took a form of Ariana Grande in her ew voice "Ew. Care bear. Just like what kind of life are you running to make you so buuuussyyyy sister? Nakakainis ka. No if no, yes if yes. Simple. WHAT A BORE. Okay, I've rest my case, I'm moving on with my cough life. With you. Ew." So this trying-to-be witty cough has filled my entire being, I've even spread it in the office, so yesterday, I decided to quit work for one day para makapagpahinga naman at makaaiwas din sa more hawa, kahit yun man lang ang way ko to contribute sa kapayapaan ng mundo, ano raw? Pero in actuality excuse lang yun to be in bed the whole day and sleep more, but sleep more didn't happen, I won't expound kasi again "WHAT A BORE" haha). My mother find me in the same position the way she left me that morning. A lazy ass with bouts of cough in between (yuck kadiri). Naawa yata yung nanay ko, walang sermon on that day. She even offered to massage my back bago kami matulog. I took my chance and hug her for 45 seconds or so before it becomes cheesy. It was a 45 seconds worth of comfort, shit naiiyak ako. Ang sarap pala ng yakap ng isang nanay, have you tried it lately? Try mo! Walang katumbas, kahit ilang ascorbic acid at bioflu at water therapy pa ang itapat mo. I'm twenty four but I still get the same feeling of home just like when I was a kid, napa-45 seconds flashback ako. A mother's hug is one underrated fun I would love to experience every day of my life. x :)

Komomong

So. I was planning to write a another super absorbed blog entry since yesterday evening, but as always, procrastination got the better of me so no wonder it is only now that I got the sense and sensibility to hit "New Post". I was over analyzing things as of recently, like what's the grand idea of this all, of me clinging, groping, always finding myself posting procrastinating underrated fun. But again, to hell with over analyzing, as just yesterday, mama decided to have a wifi modem installed in our house. Scrolling through Facebook and Twitter and Instagram sure are underrated fun and certainly made for procrastinators who are almighty high not complaining on the precious time being wasted, but I don't want to over indulge on this habit (if I am not already are), coz I might die in the process, but let's not talk about dying, shall we. There's just too many of it not just this evening but as of this late, it's wrecking havoc among human lives. Shit, there's too much mumbling here. 

Anyways. Weekend was over just yesterday. I am here to tell you how wisely I spent it this time haha Oh! Is that a clap I hear? But no, sister. There was no way I couldn't change the world in two days, so again, I ended up spending it with my friends. But first, let's talk about a Friday Night. This is precious among (I almost used "amongst" for pete's sake) all. I told myself to hit the sack early so I can go biking early Saturday. But so much lack of discipline in my body took over, I just couldn't. I ended up opening my laptop, insert the hard drive and skimmed skimmed skimmed out of all the movies I copied in the office server, skimmed, okay, stopped at every unfamiliar names among the list. I'll go straight to point, man the habit of beating around the bush in writing is making me sad. See here, I ended up watching Southpaw starring Jake Galen-Gallynhaal (spell check freshly out from Google search, thank you) as Billy Hope. Look it up on Wikipedia, if you want the whole idea of what kind of a movie it was. But, boy I tell you, it was one of those quite amazing movies I've ever watch in months, this year. It got me at least three pimples the next day, that's how good it was hahaha!!

Talking about Hope. In order for a lasting friendship to last (wow see how lame I use it), the Korean Culture Center set up a Korean Film Festival for us creatively lazy friends. Three movies were set to premiere on Saturday which we have been talking round and round over Messenger chat a month before the movie viewing in Metro Manila. Korean Culture Center or KCC as what my Eka, my perks calls it was very sweet we ended up falling in this very long line haha but we are talking about hope, we persevere and would you know, the title of the movie we are about to watch was "HOPE". We ended up sobbing and somewhat wildly noisy watching it. Rodelle was late we almost have to beg for a ticket and for them to let her pass, good thing a guy who looked like he had raped countless girls in the old days approached and asked us how many tickets do we need, we answered only one, then he gave out his. Okay so I take back what I thought. It was free, have a told you that? Apparently this is not in chronological order of events because I'm trying not be a Richard Linklater type, I'm more of like a David Fincher Christopher Nolan kind. What am I saying here, it's 12 midnight by the way, I got to wake up at 5am or earlier and this got me over analyzing things once again on why I'm doing this in the first place so might as well just stop and consider the photos as a reliable medium of creating a story, So enjoy. Goodnight! :) 

Disclaimer: Komomong is one of the four Korean cartoon characters a child in the movie was fond about. Komomong played us, tore our hearts apart, we have no choice but sob til our eyes aches no more. Hope was one of those tear-jerking Korean movie next to Miracle Cell.

Disclaimer: Excuse our mighty creative take on "Sayang wala tayong picture together sa Korean Film Festival poster. Bakit kasi ang dami daming tao eh" situation. You should have seen the outtakes of reviews in between munching Dear Darla of Yellowcab, the hilarious outtakes of the hand selfie doing Tyra's random act of modeling using the ripped ticket. But there were no outtakes, so here's the photos.