Oh no it didn't

The ever lame post of "Dahil sa katamaran kong kumilos, natapos ko rin sa wakas basahin ang napakahabang libro na Gone with the Wind." or you can read a longer version of it because nothing's ever been simple, so let's make it as complex as possible haha shall we...

So... 

Hi, again! Have you ever been asked, "what have you accomplished this year?" or have you asked this yourself lately? I do. I did. Constantly. And it's an ever frustrating question which always put a frown and a cloud over my face. I'm twenty four and I still have this notion of "I can change the world" through doing something significant. That's how idealistic I am. But when it comes to really doing it, I'll give out a sigh and just procrastinate my way out of it. Have you ever felt that? "It's a pretty load shit to change the world, much less change your ways or your perspectives on a lot of things about life. Changing ways of life is a one huge sacrifice, see" a peering old lady might say. But shoo away that, I see some people my age from different walks of life have become a "something" of this or that; either they have established themselves a business that they have always desire, created something wonderful that could change the future of the young ones, or started building their family, getting married, getting pregnant, or have traveled to different countries and cities they've always dream to be, or simply materialized the "this is the someday that I have been waiting for". 

Where was I during it? What was I doing to accomplished this "someday is the day" goal? Simply put, I was in the corner reading about the success of others. Yes, reading. An aspiring astronaut would call it star gazing, but I will call it reading. Reading always take me far off; I have become a successful businessman, I have created something wonderful to humankind, I have built my own family, become a man, become a woman, got pregnant, become a child, I have traveled so may countries and cities I could ever dream of, all at once, just by reading. With that, I could say that "Yes! I have become something this year, from the day God bestow upon me a talent, a passion that could be my lifetime accomplishment which could never be taken away from me even if I go blind, it will stay with me forever!" 

I realized this just recently : most people can read the I way read, but not most people can write the way I write. I have my tender spots, yes, but my lack of coherence on anything unreasonable in life, like, uh, say math, I make up for reading and writing. This is how I survived. I survived my family's confusion on why I read so much. I survived my brother's contempt of it once. I could never forget the time when he threw the book I was reading outside our house because it has been days since I moved around the house. I've survived singlehood at twenty four/ I survived not having to call someone a boyfriend. I've sacrificed going out with my friends for a stay at home reading because ATM my soul exist somewhere else. Reading is what I have become, a procrastinator, a lazy being afraid of the world, but it made me become a writer, or want to become a writer. But the existence of graduation, that "you're done from this fucking expensive four year college, let's see what you've got" diploma staring you in the face, the peer pressure, the slaving, the thriving to "become something else" the world dictates, the monotonous and very routine work have somehow distinguished some of that fire. 

But no, oh it didn't t'ning into ashes, it will n'ver eve' happen. Why, I just finished readin' off a very long complex book like Gone with the Wind. It sure was a self accomplishment, see.